


A Handful of Moments I Wished I Could Change (And a Tongue like a Nightmare that Cut like a Blade)

by goodgirl21



Series: The One Where Tony Stark Survives [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), F/M, Heart-to-Heart, Irondad, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker is a good big brother, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-07-19 10:47:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19972795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodgirl21/pseuds/goodgirl21
Summary: Another Post Endgame fic where Tony loses an arm and survives.ORThe one where Peter and Tony have a heart to heart about Peter's guilt while Tony recovers from what happened in Endgame.





	A Handful of Moments I Wished I Could Change (And a Tongue like a Nightmare that Cut like a Blade)

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to everyone in the irondad discord server who helped and encouraged me with this fic! Happy reading!!

**A Handful of Moments I Wished I Could Change (And a Tongue like a Nightmare that Cut like a Blade)**

  
  


“Mister Stark? Hey... Mister Stark? Can you hear me? it’s Peter. Tony, it’s Peter. We won and you did it, sir…You did it. I’m sorry...Tony...” It was the kid. Tony wished he could say something to him. Anything. But all he could do was stare because he felt himself slipping under, slipping into darkness. A darkness he feared he wouldn’t wake up from, but it was okay. Tony thought because Peter and everyone else who was snapped were back. It was okay that he wouldn’t wake up again. Then Pepper was right beside him. Her hands were resting on Peter’s shoulder as she said, “It’s okay Tony. You can rest now.”

That’s the last thing Tony remembered hearing before the darkness overcame him and the light in his arc reactor went out. He didn’t expect to wake up again. 

**~~~**

His eyes opened slightly and for a moment he thought he was in a peaceful place. That’s when he heard the beeping somewhere close to him. Craning his neck, Tony saw the silhouette of a heart monitor. (Tony Stark wasn’t dead. It seemed he was very much alive) He could also see Pepper sitting next to it. Tony opened his mouth to talk to her. No words would come out. Then he fell unconscious once more. 

When he opened his eyes again, Tony was way more lucid than before and he could actually move his mouth. But he still felt disoriented. Like when he had been on an all-night bender and he had woken up with a hangover the next day. But only the hangover remained without any of the fun leading up to it.

“Tony,” Tony craned his head to see Pepper, this time, she was awake. 

“Hi, Miss. Potts,” Pepper gave a weak smile. But that’s all she could seem to muster as she leaned down to wrap her arms around him in a bone-crushing hug. Well, as much as she could with him in a bed. As far as he could tell, he was in a hospital. What with the beeping heart monitor and the sterile smell of his too white, too blinding room. When she pulled away, her eyes were starting to water. 

“Hey, I’m okay.” He told her, which seemed to be the wrong thing to say as she pinned him with the fiercest glare that only Pepper Potts-Stark could formulate and really, he had only seen it come out with him.

“You almost weren’t. You would’ve...No. Tony, you did die. Your arc reactor went out. FRIDAY called it,” she stated bluntly, voice breaking. 

“If it hadn’t been for Doctor Strange…You wouldn’t be here. So don’t you dare say you’re alright, Tony.” 

Tony was at a loss for words. So he didn’t say anything else as she hugged and fussed over him. 

**~~~**

He had lost his left arm-the one he wore the stones on. Strange couldn’t save that, though he tried. Pepper had explained before she left to go get Morgan (Who had been with her Uncle Rhodey for the day. But had stayed with May and Peter at night and had for the majority of the time. Save for the days where either Rhodey or Happy babysat for her) leaving him with Happy who had just shown up as she was leaving. Tony thought if his arm was the price to pay to have his life, he’d sacrifice his arm every time. 

“How’s the kid?” Tony asked when he and his head of security were alone. 

“I’m surprised you’re not asking how long you’ve been down and out.” Happy said dryly. 

“It’s not as important,” Tony told him, frowning when he tried to grab the water on his side table. There was extra strain on his right arm now and his left shoulder was sore from leaning over. 

“It’s been about a week and a half,” Happy told him anyway as he reached over and grabbed Tony’s half-filled water glass. Then he handed it to him. 

“That’s not what I asked Happy,” Tony narrowed his eyes at his bodyguard and head of security. His mouth forming a hard line. He was going to have to learn how to do things on his own without his left arm (at least till he got to his garage at the lake house and could engineer himself a new one) and Happy helping him wasn’t doing him any favors.

Happy sighed and finally explained, “He’s adjusting. This is going to sound really bad. But most of his class was snapped with him. Including his friends Ned and that scary girl. MJ? I think that’s her name. So it’s not as bad as it could be for him. But he’s been worried about you. He and Morgan have taken to each other like ducks to water though.”

“Pep had said she’d been staying with him and May,” Tony said, after he had taken a drink and set the glass back down. Guilt pooling to the bottom of his stomach like a lead balloon. He hadn't thought of much since waking up. Wasn’t his kids supposed to be his first thought? And yet the only thought running through his mind- 

_ Alive. I’m alive.  _

Happy bobbed his head up and down pulling Tony out of his thoughts once more. 

“He’s been helping out a lot with her. Him and May both so Pepper could stay up here with you.” Happy explained. Tony grinned tiredly. He had only been awake for thirty minutes and here he was, already tired. 

“I always thought Peter would be good with her.” Tony yawned. His eyes already drooping as he slipped under once. But not before his bodyguard said, “Yeah, Morgan said you always called Peter her big brother. Any truth to that?”

But Happy’s question fell on deaf ears. Tony was already back asleep. 

**~~~**

A very solid weight fell on his chest softly. A very familiar solid weight. But Tony still didn’t open his eyes. It was clear that they were trying not to wake Tony up. But it happened anyway. Even if he hadn’t opened his eyes yet. 

“Morgan,” Someone hissed. Probably Pepper using the disapproving look that she had patented with him. But was most likely definitely softer with their daughter. 

“Sorry, Mommy, I just got excited seeing Daddy.” A small voice said and it made Tony smile. He cracked an eye open to see his own eyes staring back at him. 

“Daddy! You’re awake!” Morgan giggled softly. Then she turned somber. Well as somber as a five-year-old could be, “Mommy said you got hurt and lost-ed your arm. But that’s okay. I still love you three thousand even without your arm.”

Her small hands were on his cheeks. So he pressed his lips to one of her hands. Morgan giggled again. 

“That’s good Morgona because I love you three thousand too. I heard you’ve been staying with Uncle Rhodey, Aunt May, and Peter. Have you been good for them?”

Speaking of Peter, he was there too. Tony didn’t notice at first because he was a little off his game and for once, the kid was being unusually quiet. He was there though, standing off in a back corner of the room. Eyes on the ground as his brown curls fell into them. It was odd for the kid not to be running his mouth a mile a minute. That was something him and Morgan shared, their ability to ramble like no one could keep up. 

At least they had each other now to keep up with the other, Tony mused to himself in his head. But while Peter not talking was concerning Morgan was currently rambling on about how she spent her time that he was and according to her, “Asleep in the white place that smelled like the stuff Mommy puts on my scrapes.” 

So he had to listen to her. She started at the very beginning. How Pepper told her he was hurt to how she went to stay with May and how she met Peter finally and to quote her: 

“You were right Daddy! Petey is the best ever!” Peter looked up and smiled at Morgan softly at the mention of his name. But he still remained quiet as Morgan continued to ramble on about how Peter played with her. Whatever she wanted. How he’d pick her up after his school day ended either from Rhodey’s or if she spent the day with Happy, how they’d pick him up from school. Or if there was danger and Spider-Man had to deal with it, Ned would pick her up. (But per his daughter that was only extra p’acil times) How they even built LEGOS with Ned when he and Peter were done studying, and finally how Peter would put her to bed when Aunt May worked the late shift. 

Still, the kid remained silent. Even as Pepper took over for their daughter and went on to explain how Peter was picking up Morgan from Rhodey’s when she had gotten there. So she invited him to come along too. Though she told Rhodey to stay behind for a day or two and to pass the word around to the others too. To give him a few days with the kids. 

“Speaking of, Mor, why don’t we go get Daddy some water and maybe see if we can get him some food huh?” She asked her daughter softly as she picked her up off Tony. Morgan’s bottom lip began to stick out. One of the tale-tale signs that tantrum was about to start. So, Tony reached out and touched his little girl’s hand. 

“Hey, you’ll be right back and besides, who else will convince your mommy to bring me back a cheeseburger?” He asked. That seemed to placate Morgan for the time being as she nodded her head. She turned her head reaching out a hand in the spiderling’s direction. 

“Petey?” 

The kid barely had time to look up, but Pepper was already shaking her head as she told their daughter. “Peter is going to stay here and keep Daddy company. We wouldn’t want him to get lonely now that he’s awake would we?” 

Morgan seemed to think about it for a moment and finally, she shook her head. “No, I don’t want Daddy to be lonely. Petey can stay and keep him company.” 

“We’ll be back. Peter, I’m also bringing you something to eat because May says you haven’t been eating enough lately .” Pepper kissed Tony’s cheek, before she walked out of the room, Morgan still in her arms. Leaving just Peter and Tony by themselves. 

**~~~**

“You haven’t been eating?” Tony asked after he decided enough awkward silence had lapsed for him. Peter blew a breath out of his mouth, rocking on the balls of his feet. Tony couldn’t see his hands, so he guessed they had found their place in the back pocket of his jeans. It was a movement that Peter did when he didn’t want to tell Tony something. 

“I’ve been eating...just not a lot. I haven’t really been hungry lately.” He retorted. Tony found himself frowning once more as he began to scold the teenager. 

“Kid, your metabolism runs hotter than most because of your powers. Probably close to Cap’s-”

“Steve,” Peter interrupted softly. 

“What?” Tony asked. His thumb hammered down on the button that would give him his pain killer through the IV he was hooked up to. After Happy had left, a doctor had come in while Pepper was still gone. 

She had asked if he was experiencing any pain. He had begrudgingly admitted that he was. If only because he couldn’t imagine where it was coming from with it appearing to be on his left side. You know where his arm was now gone. (Also, Tony thought his sweaty forehead and gritted teeth would give him away.) The doctor had explained it as phantom pain. It was very common with amputees and would most likely go away with time, but for right now he would have to deal with it with pain killers. 

“Steve,” Peter said once more and then went on to explain, “While you were out, Steve Rogers retired as Captain America, after coming back from returning the stones. He said he wanted to be done. So he gave the shield and title over to Sam and left with Darcy to wherever. Sam is the new Captain.”

“Wait, Darcy as in  _ Darcy Lewis _ ? When did that happen?” Tony asked, trying to think of all the times he had seen Steve interact with Darcy and only came up with a handful. He also thought Steve was dating that Carter woman (But at the time, they were at odds with each other, to say the least.) Peter shrugged. He still wouldn’t even look at Tony. 

“I think it's been an on and off again thing for a few years. But I could be wrong.” 

“Damn, you think you know a guy and wait a minute. You’re distracting me. We were talking about you and how you should be eating more. Especially with your metabolism.” 

“I just haven’t been hungry Mister Stark!” Peter snapped, no longer bouncing on his feet. Instead, he was kicking at non-existent dirt. 

“Why not kid?” The teenager just shrugged again. What was bothering Tony most was that throughout this whole conversation, Peter wasn’t looking at him. He hadn’t even looked up once to make eye contact with him. Tony sighed, “Kid...Peter look at me please.” 

Peter looked up and it was then that Tony realized he was crying. Whether it started when Pepper and Morgan were in the room or after they left, Tony didn’t know. But the bottom line was Peter was crying and Tony felt utterly useless in this hospital bed. Eyes were red and puffy. He had his arms crossed, but the genius could see his hands were clenched. 

“Peter? Are you…” Tony started to ask him if he was okay, but trailed off because it was a very stupid, stupid question, when it was clear the kid  _ wasn’t okay. _

“Kid…c’mere.” Tony held out his arm as he beckoned the teenager over. But there was only so much he could do confined to a hospital bed. Peter didn’t move. 

“Kid, are you really going to make me get out of this bed and come over there to hug you? Because I think if I even attempt to get out of this bed right now, Pepper will have both our heads. Mine because I got out of bed and yours because you didn’t stop me.” Tony’s attempt at a joke fell flat when the kid just stared at him blankly. 

“Okay bad joke, but kid, can you tell me why you’re crying?” Tony tried a different, more direct approach. As he chose his words carefully, “Because honestly, I’m at a loss here…” 

Peter sniffled, rubbing at his eyes. Though the tears didn’t go away. “I know I shouldn’t be crying. I’m not the one in the hospital bed.” He said, his voice shaking. 

“I didn’t say that,” the words were meant to be comforting. “I’m just wondering if there's anything I can do to help you with how you’re feeling.” 

Peter hiccuped, still trying to wipe away his tears. From the way, he was looking at Tony...He was ashamed? But the former playboy didn’t know who it was directed at.

“You’ve done enough Mister Stark. You said the entire universe and here I am crying. Now I have you worried about me, when you should be worried about getting better and worried about the kid that you and Miss Potts have now. Fuck-I mean Missus Stark. You and her are married now.” Now Tony could plainly hear that Peter’s shame was directed at himself. But that still left him confused. 

What did Peter have to be ashamed of?

“Pete,” He started with no knowledge of where he was going. 

“I’m sorry,” Peter told him. But Tony couldn’t fathom why the kid was sorry. Then a thought entered the former playboy’s mind. If Peter thought he had something to be sorry for then maybe that was the key to getting him to tell him what was wrong. Or what he thought he had done to be sorry for. 

“Why are you sorry Pete?”

The kid sucked in a breath then, “Cornel Rhodes. He said I was the reason you figured out time travel. I’m the reason you lost your arm. I’m the reason you died. If it hadn’t been for Doctor Strange-Morgan would’ve grown up without her Dad and-” 

“Hold up. Let me stop you right there. First, get your ass over here Peter, and that’s not a request. I can’t get out of this damn bed until a doctor clears me to, or Pepper will have my head if I even try.” Tony interrupted him, pointing to the spot that Pepper had occupied before she and Morgan had left. Now that he knew what the problem was he could fix it. 

Peter shuffled over, his head hung low. After adjusting the bed so it was in a sitting position, the billionaire genius wrapped his one arm around the boy tightly also jerking him to his chest in the process. Then he pressed a kiss to the side of the kid’s head as he had done during the battle. 

“Second, I’m going to have a little talk with Rhodey as soon as possible. But for right now, you listen, and you listen good okay kid?” He only continued when he felt the kid nod from where his head rested against his chest. 

“I knew the risks okay? I knew what I was doing.”

“But Mister Stark-” Peter tried to interrupt. Tony merely shook his head and tutted at him. 

“Up, up, up. I’m talking here. Didn’t your Aunt teach you not to interrupt when the adult is talking?” Tony’s said, soft and gentle, his hand carting through Peter’s brown locks. Then he sighed, “Yes Pete, you were the thing driving me to invent time travel to bring you and everyone else back, because kid, deserved to live the life you were given. Not when that purple bastard decided it was your time. I’m only sorry it took me five years to do it.” He paused briefly as he remembered how his time in space with Nebula really did a number on him. How it took him a whole six months to bounce back. 

He was pulled back to reality when Peter shifted. He cleared his throat and continued, “But the consequences that happened afterward, were not your fault.” 

Peter tried to protest once more. But Tony shook his head again. “Not your fault. Unless you’re talking in a literal sense. Then we can go by a play by play how it wasn’t your fault. Did you gather up the stones?”

Peter shook his head. 

“Okay how about snapping half the universe out of existence?” Another shake of the head. 

“Inventing time travel? Oh, wait I did that.” Tony felt Peter’s snort more than he heard it. 

“Now what about putting the stones on my arms and literally snapping my fingers for me?” Once more Peter shook his head again. 

“So you see, it isn’t your fault. None of it. Capice?”

“I guess so.” The response is muffled. Tony leaned back a little, enough that he could look at the kid in the eye. So maybe he would the kid would actually listen to him. Tony almost laughed at that, because when had the kid ever listened to him?

“Peter I mean it. It wasn’t your fault. This isn’t something I’m saying to make you feel better. Please stop feeling guilty for something you had no hand in.”

The kid didn’t look entirely convinced. But Tony was partially relieved to see that he at least looked less haunted.

“I’ll try,” Peter told him and the former playboy guessed that was the best he could hope for right now. 

“Good and if you need another reminder, you know I’m good for it.” Tony kissed the side of his head again. Peter opened his mouth to say something else, but never got the chance to say it, because Pepper and Morgan came back with McDonald's? 

“It was the only thing in this hospital besides the cafeteria and you said you wanted a cheeseburger,” Pepper told him, disrupting the food on Tony’s little side table and directing Peter to pull up another chair so he could sit too. Once he had, Morgan wasted no time in clambering up onto his lap-chattering all the while about how they got him two cheeseburgers and two sets of fries because, “Mommy says you get hungry extra fast because your metlism goes through food really fast Petey!” 

“Metlism? Oh, you mean metabolism…” Peter looked at Pepper, “Thank you, Miss Pot- Pepper. Right. You told me to call you that and I keep forgetting. Really though thank you, you didn’t have to.” 

“Nonsense Peter. You and May have been a huge help to me this past week. Besides that you’re family and this is what family does for each other.” Pepper waved him off and Tony just sat back for once. Sat back and enjoyed all of his family around him, watching as Peter pretended to chomp one of Morgan’s chicken nuggets. He sad upset that he missed their first encounter with each other and yet so happy that he would be around to see them grow and interact in the future.

“What are you thinking about?” Pepper asked him quietly, after she tapped his shoulder to get his attention. 

“Just that I’m happy it was only my arm I lost so I can watch them grow up.” His voice equally quiet so the kids wouldn’t hear them as Morgan demanded payment for Peter almost taking one of her chicken nuggets. 

“I was right. He is good with her.” 

“He is. You always said he would be an amazing big brother.” Pepper agreed. 

And yeah, if the universe wanted his arm in exchange for his life? Then Tony would gladly pay it every time if it meant he got to witness more moments like this between his kids. 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all enjoyed?? There might be a second chapter coming or another oneshot or even a series expanding this universe I've created? I don't know yet. But it would be super helpful if you left a comment so I know if I should continue or not.


End file.
